I recently joined the Book Review Team for CatholicMom.com. Here is my first review. It is a teen novel for girls in middle school and older. Click on the picture below to read my review of Glitter Girl.
Month: January 2014
A Response to Feminism’s Clarion Call to Be “Self-Made”
I saw yet another article condemning stay-at-home moms as second class citizens. Quite frankly, the author is not worth the link in on my blog. She is worth prayers, but not a link. The argument is always the same: The self-made, individualist, materialistic, selfish woman is the REAL woman of the 21st Century. Let’s call a spade a spade shall we? Anyone who trumpets themselves as the center of the universe is struggling with selfishness. How do I know? Mainly, because like all people, I have to battle my own selfish nature. The biggest difference is that I know that my family will tear it right out of me, while rugged individualism will leave me selfish and alone.
I am not condemning women who choose to work. My mom worked part of the time we were growing up, as did most of the women in my family. No, rather, I would say that we must always prioritize properly. It is family and then career. Part of the reason I decided to stay home is because, when I enjoy my work, I am a workaholic of the worst kind. My family would suffer as my aspirations took precedence over them. I worked for 12 years before I got married. I was a workaholic. I cannot believe the hours I pulled while I was in the Navy.
What exactly does it mean to be a “self-made” woman? To own a lot of things? Make a lot of money? Promiscuity? Childlessness? Being alone? I am not sure what this phrase even means, but I hear it a lot. I think of myself as pretty “self-made”. I chose to marry my husband. I opted to stay home with our daughter. I am choosing to stay home to school her because, yes, I think that I can do better than the public schools and I assure you my daughter’s test scores will reflect that fact. This is not arrogance. It is the truth. I choose to serve my family over myself. Is it hard? You bet. I fail daily, but it is my choice. I decided that others are more important than little old me.
Let me think back to my “glorious” single days of my Twenties. I worked a lot. I had multiple careers including stints that a lot of 20 year olds could only dream of. I lived in Europe and traveled. I saw the back-stabbing, self-centered, corruption up close interning on Capitol Hill at The Heritage Foundation. I did everything that I wanted to do, but it was never enough. Why? Because “I” am never enough. I am not the center of the universe. God called me back to Him during Holy Week of 2009 and there I have stayed.
So if being a “successful” and “self-made” woman means selling my soul and my family, then I would rather keep my soul. I know what real priorities look like. There is nothing that I can buy, no men that I can date, no salary that I can make, that would take away the joy I have received in my husband and daughter. I truly feel sorry for the woman who cannot experience that joy. So you can berate women like me all you want, but we know the real secret to happiness: sacrificial love.
Small Success Thursday: Protecting Our Children Edition
It is Small Success Thursday over at CatholicMom.com. Come share this week’s small successes with us.
This week was a travel week for my husband. Thankfully he is home for a while, but things get a little topsy-turvy when he is on the road. I managed to actually get some sleep while he was gone. I slept fine for years in my own apartment alone, but now I am a restless sleeper when he travels, even though I am packing heat if necessary. I guess a lot of wives get used to the security of their husbands.
Our daughter gets irritable when he is gone too. She did pretty well until yesterday afternoon. By the time he got home, she was in full blown defiant toddler mode. Today she is back to her happy go-lucky self. She did not even fight me when I put her down for a nap.
So even with this crazy week, here are some successes.
1. We did our “Biggest Loser” weigh-in and I am down 6lbs. Only 24 to go to my goal. I have not been as strict about my diet as I need to be. My husband has been doing great and I keep praying for the grace to be more disciplined. I have started adding exercise back in, which should help. Plus, my daughter always wants me to dance with her to The Wiggles. How can I say no to that?!
2.I have been avoiding TV for the most part. I occasionally watch re-reruns of The Middle, which I think is ridiculous and hysterical, while I cook dinner at 5pm. Other than that I have been reading. I finished The Walk series and now I am reading a book about protecting our daughters (and really our sons) for a CatholicMom.com book review. Look for the review and a book giveaway in the coming weeks!
3. Speaking of protecting daughters and sons, I wrote a letter to all daughters this morning on my blog. The link is below this post. Reading this book has reminded me of a lot of experiences of my teen years and twenties that I have blocked out as I focused on marriage and my daughter. However, those experiences came flying back with a vengeance and have convicted me that we must fight the culture with everything we have in order to protect our children. We as Catholics cannot become comfortable or complacent in our homes, especially if our children are in public schools. Do you know what your kids are taught in sex ed? Have you asked? Have you looked at the materials? Does your child’s school hand out birth control? Has your child witnessed or heard about domestic violence? Is pornography “normalized” in school? Is masturbation? What is a good age for your kids to date? Are your children reading books they shouldn’t? Have you read your school’s recommended reading list? It might surprise you! Why do I bring this up? Have you discussed dating violence and abuse with your child? I say this because a lot of us are either blind or willfully ignorant about what is going on in the culture around us. Let me tell you a story.
I served in the US Navy for 6 years, but even before that, my first experience of meeting a girl who was being beaten by her boyfriend was when I was 15 years old. We were in gym class together. I saw her black eye and bloody lip and knew what was going on. Her track star boyfriend was beating her. I asked her about it. She knew that she needed to get away from him, but her own mother was in an abusive relationship. I did not have the knowledge or understanding to help her. I should have gone to a counselor or teacher, but I didn’t. I did not know what to do. I pray she is okay.
While in the Navy, I was introduced to a sexually amoral culture. It is the same in college, don’t kid yourself, especially public schools. Pornography is rampant and is considered acceptable. In fact, my Marine friends would compete over who had the largest porn collection. Promiscuity, rampant, to include orgies. I was living chastely, which made dating extremely difficult. I had at least 3 roommates who had either been sexually abused or raped. They were all acting out their pain in a promiscuous and risky manner. I tried to help where I could. I had a roommate who had slept with enough men to fill a platoon. That is over 40 men. She was deeply hurting. I still pray for her. There were women who had been with so many guys in one weekend they did not know who the father of their child was. These women are someone’s daughter and need our love and help.
In the last 15 years, at least 5 women have confided in me that they were assaulted or sexually abused. That is what I know of. I suspect more, but have not asked. I wait for them to come to me. These women believed that it was normal for men to use them and that hook ups were okay, healthy even. They were miserable. Binge drinking was also common place. I thank God that the few times I binge drank that someone kept me safe from harm. I had good friends.
Our culture has put it in men’s and women’s minds that sex is required in dating, or even a given. I have had countless men tell me that I needed to put out. I didn’t and made it through the Navy unscathed. I did not cave until I was 26 and lived with a boyfriend. The biggest regret of my life. Thankfully God is merciful, loving, and forgiving. I am vehemently opposed to cohabitation because of my own experiences, and my understanding of marriage.
What is my point? My point is that the culture at large wants the hearts and minds of our children. The pressure to engage in sexual activity, even risky sexual activity is immense. Sex ed classes are touting sexual freedom as liberating and bringing happiness. All I have seen is pain and despair. Have you taught your children the Church’s beautiful teaching on human sexuality: the Truth? Are you talking to your kids about this? Are you monitoring what your kids read or do on the Internet? 50 Shades of Grey is going through high schools like wildfire. It is pornography and normalizes S&M. Men are looking at pornography, even violent pornography, at staggering rates. Have you spoken to your sons and daughters about porn? This is dangerous for both sexes, but especially women. It can create violent men. In fact, almost all violent offenders report being addicted to violent pornography. Do you monitor what shows your children watch? Shows like How I Met Your Mother glamorize promiscuity and the abuse of women. Our children see this and start to believe that they should live this way too. After all, everyone else is doing it. Most shows these days believe that teenagers having sex is a given. This should horrify parents. Shut these shows off and show your kids real love.
I feel am very passionate about this if you cannot tell. Not just because of my own mistakes, but because of what I have witnessed. These threats are very real, whether you live in a rural area, suburbs, or a city. Talk to your children. Be open! The antidote to a culture that has gone mad is Theology of the Body. Check it out. Arm yourself with the weapons of Truth and Joy that is in Christ Jesus.
To bring a Culture of Life to the world, we must first bring it to our own families, starting with our children.
Please take the time to read my letter to our daughters here and share it. I will write a letter to sons very soon.
Dear Daughters (the iPad would not let me hyperlink) https://swimmingthedepths.wordpress.com/2014/01/23/dear-daughters-a-letter-to-girls-teens-and-young-women-in-their-dating-years/
Theology of the Body: http://www.tobinstitute.org
Dear Daughters: A Letter to Girls, Teens, and Young Women in Their Dating Years
*A note to moms and dads: Some of this may be hard to read or understand, but this is the reality of what our daughters are facing. Things have changed drastically since we were teens.
Dear Daughters,
You are beautiful. Every single one of you. You are created in the image and likeness of God. You were made to be loved and to love others. You have every right to be truly loved. Our society will tell you things that are not true. Our society will push you to do things that you do not want to do. Our society will tell you how women are to act. Our society will tell you how women are just like men. This is a lie. Yes, men and women are equal, but they are not the same. You do not have to be a man and you should not try to make men into women.
You might be a young girl, teenager, or an adult when you stumble upon this writing. It is meant for all daughters, but I wanted to directly speak to teens and young women who are dating. You will get a lot of information in your short life about how you are to act, to be, and what to do. You will be told that certain behaviors are normal and expected. You probably heard a lot of this in your sex ed classes or other classes. So here are a few things I want you to know. I am a daughter. I have been hurt by the lies. I also have a daughter. All women deserve respect and love:
*You do not have to have sex.
*Waiting to have sex until you are married is best for you and your future husband.
*No man should expect sex from you. A man who loves you will wait for you.
*Your peers should never pressure you to have sex.
*Teen pregnancy is not “normal”. If it happens there are plenty of centers that will help you. Planned Parenthood is not one of them. Abortion is not the answer.
*Casual sex hurts women. It hurts men too, but they are less likely to recognize it.
*It is NOT acceptable for boys and men to look at pornography. If he will not stop, then he does not deserve you and you need to move on. You need to discuss this with your boyfriend. He may be doing it and you do not know it.
*It is NOT acceptable for women to look at pornography or read pornographic novels like 50 Shades of Grey. S&M is not normal and it should not be read in a novel that portrays it as normal. It is unhealthy, destructive, and uses people as objects. Pornography is not just pictures and movies, it includes novels.
*No man should expect you to act like a porn star.
*No man has a right to hit you or abuse you in other ways.
*It is always the right thing to do to get help in abusive situations. You have a right to safety, love, and justice. If the first person you talk to will not help you, tell someone else. Keep going until someone will help you. Never give up. You are worth it!!!! The first girl I met who was being beaten up by her track star boyfriend was when I was 15. It starts early.
*Rape is never right or acceptable. Get help! You deserve healing and peace.
*Abuse from family members is never right. Get help! Talk to someone, regardless of how it impacts your family. You deserve safety.
*Cheating (you or him) is not acceptable behavior. Love requires devotion and loyalty.
*It is right for a woman to desire marriage, regardless of what our culture tells you. (Men want marriage too)
*Sexual promiscuity is never the answer. It only leads to pain and self-hatred. You deserve a partner who loves you for you and does not use you as an object.
*Never live with a man before you are married. A man who will not put a ring on your finger, but will live with you, is not fully devoted to you. Cohabitations end in break ups way more often than they do in marriages. You deserve MARRIAGE!
*Women and men should never use drugs. Stay away from drugs! You have so much more to offer this world.
*Binge drinking is dangerous. It puts you in vulnerable situations that you may not be able to get out of. Enjoying a couple of drinks is fine. Binge drinking is not. Regardless of what our culture tells you, you are not physically stronger than your average male. You also do not have the physical capability of keeping as much alcohol down as a male. Alcohol poisoning hits a lot earlier for women. You have a long life ahead of you. Don’t endanger yourself to fit in.
*It is a good thing to desire feminine things: motherhood, marriage, love, comfort, security, etc. You can also desire a career and success in the workplace. God created us as female. The gifts we have to offer the world stem from the beauty of our femininity. You were not created to be a man.
*Motherhood is the most important job. It comes first. It comes before a career (you can still have one, just prioritize). Shaping human beings is a tremendous gift, it is hard, but joy-filled. Children help make us better and less selfish people. It is a good thing to desire children. It is natural. When we do not prioritize our children, they are hurt and become resentful. Children need their parents, even if they say the opposite.
*No one should expect you to go on birth control and that includes doctors.
*Material possessions are not more important than having a family.
*You deserve a man who works hard for you and wants to provide for his family. Slackers need not apply.
*Not all forms of feminism are good. In fact, the majority these days will bring you heartache and misery because they fly in the face of who you really are designed to be.
*Take a lot of what you learn about feminism and politics in school with a grain of salt. Ignore snide comments about religion. Read and educate yourself on these topics from a variety of sources. Learning does not end after school.
*Remember that you are so loved that God came to earth as a man and died for you. You are worth dying for. No matter what you have done. Jesus Christ forgives all sins and he gives us the grace to overcome sin. Ignore the people who mock you for this belief. They, like you, crave love, but have not found it.
*God needs to be priority in your relationship. Religion becomes huge in marriage. Marrying across religions and even denominations can add stress to a marriage. Really consider your faith before you get married.
This list is not meant to be a condemnation. Rather, it is to show you that you are worth more than what the outside world would tell you. Doing these things will help you find happiness and love. You are worth so much more than what our culture would have you believe. You are talented, unique, smart, beautiful, and gifted. You have unique gifts to give to the world. You deserve a man who truly understands what it is to love, and he deserves a woman who truly understands what it is to love. God created you in His image. That makes you beautiful beyond compare. May God bless you on your journey.
*There will be a letter to sons coming very soon.
March for Life 2014
Today marks the 41st Anniversary of Roe v Wade. Nearly 56 millions babies have been murdered since then. Unfortunately we could not make it to DC for the March. I will begin a Rosary at noon when the March will kick off. Today is a day of prayer and fasting for American Catholics. Let us pray and go about bringing a Culture of Life to the world.
Book Giveaway: Scott Hahn’s Understanding “Our Father”
Don’t forget to enter for the first ever Book Giveaway on Holiness in Motherhood. Have you ever wanted to learn more about the Scriptural basis of the “Our Father”? Then this is the book for you. Details and how to enter can be found here.
This is a private giveaway. Dr. Hahn and his publishers have never heard of me. Pax.
