Catholic Exchange: Lessons on Motherhood from the Visitation

On May 31, 2017May 31, 2017 By swimmingthedepthsIn Catholic Church, Catholic Exchange, Christian Living, Feminism, holiness, Marriage, Motherhood, vocationLeave a comment

Today is the Feast of the Visitation of Our Lord. It is a feast day that draws us into a deeper love of Our Lord and Our Heavenly Mother. It is also through the Visitation that mothers can enter more deeply into the joy of their vocation, as well as the joy of ministering to one another on the journey. After the Annunciation and Mary’s fiat to God’s plan of salvation, she proceeds “in haste” to her cousin Elizabeth.

During those days Mary set out and traveled to the hill country in haste to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb. And how does this happen to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me. For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the infant in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed are you who believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled.”

Luke 1:39-45

There is much to be gleaned from this beautiful passage. It is the coming together of two women, united by joy and the promise of salvation. Two women sharing the great gift of motherhood. One bears the son who will pave the way for the coming of the Lord and the other is the New Eve whose son will take away the sins of the world. They greet one another as kinswomen united in a deep communion. The encounter between these two women invites us to be drawn closer to God by the gift of not only their pronouncement, but their pious love for one another. Their womanhood and motherhood is an example for all, but mothers can learn quite a bit through the Visitation.

Read the rest over at Catholic Exchange.

The Election is Over: It’s Time to Stop Being Lukewarm Catholics

On November 15, 2016November 15, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn Anger, Catholic Church, Catholic social teaching, Christian Living, Church documents, conversion, Current Affairs, Facebook, Gospel Reflections, holiness, Marriage, Prayer, Resources, Sacraments, sacrifice, saints, Study, virtues, vocationLeave a comment

A Trump victory, if anything, only slowed down the speeding train of our secular culture. Lord willing, Catholics and other like-minded people will be given a reprieve after the last 8 years of open attacks and vilification by the Obama Administration and his fellow ideologues. Christian businesses have been destroyed, sisters working to help the poor elderly in our nation have been demonized and persecuted, and the rhetoric based on emotion and labels such as “bigot” and “hate-filled” have reached an all time high. Reality matters little to these people blinded by their own ideology.

It is clear that the blindness runs on both sides of the political spectrum and I have been critical of liberal and conservative alike in approach, mentality, and ideology. Many view Trump’s victory as a reprieve granted through our prayers. I am not ready to jump on that wagon since Trump is soft on his pro-life and marriage stances. While open persecution of the Church may soften during his tenure, there are plenty waiting in the wings to take up his place should he not be re-elected in four years. Quite frankly, we have no idea what to expect from the man.

The mission for Catholics has always been the same: holiness. It is fine to view Trump’s win as a victory, but it is unacceptable to continue with the status quo. The status quo–nominal Catholic living–led us to a Clinton-Trump election. Far too many Catholics have succumbed to the secular division of Church and state, and while the Church does not support a state religion, she is certainly opposed to a separation of public and private life. We are not Catholic on Sunday and secular during the week.

The appeal often made to «the rightful autonomy of the participation of lay Catholics» in politics needs to be clarified. Promoting the common good of society, according to one’s conscience, has nothing to do with «confessionalism» or religious intolerance. For Catholic moral doctrine, the rightful autonomy of the political or civil sphere from that of religion and the Church – but not from that of morality – is a value that has been attained and recognized by the Catholic Church and belongs to inheritance of contemporary civilization.^[23] John Paul II has warned many times of the dangers which follow from confusion between the religious and political spheres. «Extremely sensitive situations arise when a specifically religious norm becomes or tends to become the law of a state without due consideration for the distinction between the domains proper to religion and to political society. In practice, the identification of religious law with civil law can stifle religious freedom, even going so far as to restrict or deny other inalienable human rights».^[24] All the faithful are well aware that specifically religious activities (such as the profession of faith, worship, administration of sacraments, theological doctrines, interchange between religious authorities and the members of religions) are outside the state’s responsibility. The state must not interfere, nor in any way require or prohibit these activities, except when it is a question of public order. The recognition of civil and political rights, as well as the allocation of public services may not be made dependent upon citizens’ religious convictions or activities.

The right and duty of Catholics and all citizens to seek the truth with sincerity and to promote and defend, by legitimate means, moral truths concerning society, justice, freedom, respect for human life and the other rights of the person, is something quite different. The fact that some of these truths may also be taught by the Church does not lessen the political legitimacy or the rightful «autonomy» of the contribution of those citizens who are committed to them, irrespective of the role that reasoned inquiry or confirmation by the Christian faith may have played in recognizing such truths. Such «autonomy» refers first of all to the attitude of the person who respects the truths that derive from natural knowledge regarding man’s life in society, even if such truths may also be taught by a specific religion, because truth is one. It would be a mistake to confuse the proper autonomy exercised by Catholics in political life with the claim of a principle that prescinds from the moral and social teaching of the Church.

Doctrinal Note on some questions regarding The Participation of Catholics in Political Life, Congregation for the Doctrine of Faith, November 21, 2002

A separation of faith and public life has aided in or descent into the current cultural madness. If we are not careful, it will be this type of thinking that will allow the powerful progressive agendas to sweep us into a dark period of intense persecution in coming years. Lest you think I am engaging in conspiracy theories, take some time to read the comment sections on various articles or even in your own Facebook feed. The real agenda is out in the open in all of its fury. We are an avowed enemy of this ideology. If you want to understand our culture then you need to study nihilism, relativism, and utilitarianism. These are the predominant philosophies within our culture at present. Attacks are nothing new for the Christian Church, which has been persecuted since Jesus Christ was crucified on the Cross. Our own Savior was killed, why should we expect anything different?

Since we know we will be “hated” or “vilified” on account of our faith in Jesus Christ, we need to turn our gaze back to Him. No purely political or human response is ever going to solve the world’s ills. Humanism will never eradicate the problem of sin and evil. The only answer to sin, evil, and death is salvation. Since we know this truth as Catholics, we cannot operate in a manner that betrays a lack of hope in the Paschal Mystery and an over-dependence on the temporal order. We live and work in the temporal affairs of this life, but we do not live as if the material is the only reality in existence. We live knowing Christ is the true hope and savior of all.

Modern man is on the road to a more thorough development of his own personality, and to a growing discovery and vindication of his own rights. Since it has been entrusted to the Church to reveal the mystery of God, Who is the ultimate goal of man, she opens up to man at the same time the meaning of his own existence, that is, the innermost truth about himself. The Church truly knows that only God, Whom she serves, meets the deepest longings of the human heart, which is never fully satisfied by what this world has to offer.

Gaudium et Spes 41

There should be little doubt that our world is hurting. There is a great deal of suffering and the conversion of souls is an ever new problem, this has been complicated by a relativism inside of the Church that claims all religions are equal, thus nullifying our need to evangelize. This is heresy. The Catholic Church contains the fullness of truth, and while partial truths abound in God’s creation, our desire should be for all peoples to come united in order to participate in the Eucharistic feast.

This day-in-age far too many people have fallen into error and now worship at the high altar of self. This poses great challenges to us in the New Evangelization. The role of the laity in the Church is to evangelize the culture in order to bring it into conformity with the Most Holy Trinity.

Secular duties and activities belong properly although not exclusively to laymen. Therefore acting as citizens in the world, whether individually or socially, they will keep the laws proper to each discipline, and labor to equip themselves with a genuine expertise in their various fields. They will gladly work with men seeking the same goals. Acknowledging the demands of faith and endowed with its force, they will unhesitatingly devise new enterprises, where they are appropriate, and put them into action. Laymen should also know that it is generally the function of their well-formed Christian conscience to see that the divine law is inscribed in the life of the earthly city; from priests they may look for spiritual light and nourishment…Since they have an active role to play in the whole life of the Church, laymen are not only bound to penetrate the world with a Christian spirit, but are also called to be witnesses to Christ in all things in the midst of human society.

Gaudium et Spes 43

‘We are called to witness to Christ in all things.’ This is a tall order, but in full conformity with our Baptismal promises. Being Catholic does not mean attending Mass on Sunday and then living as everyone else in the culture lives. We are to testify and witness by our lives. This means praying for the courage to step onto the long arduous path of holiness. The meaning of our lives is to become a saint. Sainthood is not reserved for the select few who are canonized by the Church. Sainthood is the call for every single one of us.

This is a lengthy topic and I cannot cover it in one single post, but here are some things to consider in your own life, as I consider them in my own life. I will write frequently on these topics.

Do you practice what you preach in social media or to the people you know?
How is your prayer life?
Do you truly grasp the Real Presence of Christ in the Holy Eucharist and its implications?
Do you pray as a family on a regular basis?
Do you study and pray with Scripture daily?
Do you own a Bible and the Catechism of the Catholic Church?
Do you really know what the Church teaches or only base it on conjecture, hearsay, or what you want to believe?
Do you truly know and love Jesus Christ and desire communion with the Most Holy Trinity?
Are you addicted to good feelings or has your faith matured beyond good feelings? Sainthood will never happen if we are addicted to good feelings. We must be refined in the Divine furnace and that requires suffering.
Do you frequent the Sacraments, especially Confession and Holy Eucharist?
Do you monitor the media you and your family ingest?
Is your day structured around prayer and right praise of God or is prayer an after-thought?
Do you celebrate holidays in a purely secular fashion or is your Catholic faith a part of the celebration?
Do you openly share your faith with others?
Do you serve in your community and parish in bringing the world to Christ?
Do you attempt spiritual study whether through books, movies, or audio options?
Are you leading your family to Heaven?
Do you understand that your goods and money are gifts from God meant for the common good and the Church?
What are your false idols?
Can your co-workers and friends tell you are Catholic by the way you live, speak, and act?

All of these questions and countless more are things we need to be considering in our daily lives. I fail at so many of them, but the point is to seek God’s guidance in doing better. We must “will to be saints” per St. Thomas Aquinas. If our will is not involved then we cannot be sanctified. God comes to us in love and love is never coerced through force. Holiness is not a passive activity, it is the most active activity we will ever be called to engage in.

Today’s First Reading from the Book of Revelation paints a dire picture of what it means to be a lukewarm Christian.

I, John, heard the Lord saying to me:
“To the angel of the Church in Sardis, write this:

“‘The one who has the seven spirits of God
and the seven stars says this: “I know your works,
that you have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead.
Be watchful and strengthen what is left, which is going to die,
for I have not found your works complete in the sight of my God.
Remember then how you accepted and heard; keep it, and repent.
If you are not watchful, I will come like a thief,
and you will never know at what hour I will come upon you.
However, you have a few people in Sardis
who have not soiled their garments;
they will walk with me dressed in white,
because they are worthy.

“‘The victor will thus be dressed in white,
and I will never erase his name from the book of life
but will acknowledge his name in the presence of my Father
and of his angels.

“‘Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

“To the angel of the Church in Laodicea, write this:

“‘The Amen, the faithful and true witness,
the source of God’s creation, says this:
“I know your works;
I know that you are neither cold nor hot.
I wish you were either cold or hot.
So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold,
I will spit you out of my mouth.
For you say, ‘I am rich and affluent and have no need of anything,’
and yet do not realize that you are wretched,
pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.
I advise you to buy from me gold refined by fire so that you may be rich,
and white garments to put on
so that your shameful nakedness may not be exposed,
and buy ointment to smear on your eyes so that you may see.
Those whom I love, I reprove and chastise.
Be earnest, therefore, and repent.

“‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.
If anyone hears my voice and opens the door,
then I will enter his house and dine with him,
and he with me.
I will give the victor the right to sit with me on my throne,
as I myself first won the victory
and sit with my Father on his throne.

“‘Whoever has ears ought to hear
what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

Rev. 3:1-6, 14-22

Have we taken this reading to heart? Do we understand the dangerous implications in our half-hearted–which really amount to no attempt–at following Christ and becoming a saint? Yelling or correcting someone in social media or in the parish community does not amount to sanctity. We need to look deep within ourselves and allow God to penetrate our own darkness. If we have the courage and walk with Christ, we will begin to see our own ugliness and the desperate need for the blood of the Cross to wash us clean.

The first step in changing the world is to become saints. We must allow God to prune us and help us to overcome sin. We must be striving in virtuous living and establishing good habits such as regular prayer, the Sacraments, prudence, temperance, fortitude, and justice always bound up in the supernatural virtues of faith, hope, and charity. Only then will we begin to see tangible results. Those results will seem small, but in reality they have eternal implications. Pax Christi.

Writing and Internet Break

On September 26, 2016September 26, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn WritingLeave a comment

I am taking a few weeks off from writing and from serious use of the Internet. This time I am serious. Being a writer for online publications can be taxing. Unfortunately, people have forgotten what it is to respect others and I often receive nasty, ranting emails. It’s tiresome. It is why so many of my writer friends burnout quickly and switch to books, which is what I intend to do after I complete my Master’s. It is impossible to persuade or win an argument through emotionalism and irrationality, and yet, it is all too frequent in social media.

I am also in the last push through my Master’s. I have four classes left, two comprehensive exams, and my thesis to focus on. My first comprehensive exam is in December, so I have five core classes to re-examine and study in-depth while also homeschooling my daughter and continuing in classes.

I have been asking myself what is most important to me. If I look back 10-20 years from now, what will I hope that I have accomplished? The answer is not being a full-time writer. The answer is that I hope I gave everything I possibly could to my daughter and my husband. Writing can be a serious distraction for me. Like most writers, I have the tendency to retreat inside of myself. Our craft is internal and the thoughts continue cycling and spinning even when a pen and paper or a keyboard is not in sight. My husband has watched me do this before. He is amazed at how much I shut off the outside world when I write. While this is typical, it has also been very destructive. There is a reason why so many writers end up alone, drunk, or high in the pursuit of “great” work. I am in no danger of those things, but I see how it happens and why. I see my own propensity for casting my family and my graduate studies aside as I write numerous articles.

In the end, how many times I was published will matter little. Society tells me that I am wasting my time or potential as a stay-at-home mom and I have battled mightily against that lie in my 6 years out of the work force. I did a lot before I got married and there was major culture shock–and still is–in choosing to stay home. I am an intellectual woman. I like to be challenged, engaged, and involved in discussions that matter. But, there are two people who matter more than my immediate, temporal desires: my husband and my daughter. They suffer when I turn my focus from my vocation.

The greatest gift I can offer the world is my daughter properly formed by the Catholic Faith who has an ardent desire for holiness. The goal is for my daughter to achieve more than I possibly could and to help transform the world and bring it into communion with the Most Holy Trinity. When I stand before God, my career–while it can be sanctifying–will not matter as much as what I did with the child He gave me. She’s 5 years old and soon she will be 18 and moving out on her own. I won’t regret the writing projects I missed nearly as much as if I miss out on the next few years because I become consumed or distracted by other work. This is only a season and God will use me where He wills when He wills it. My daughter and my husband need me to work on being more fully present. I still need to learn the Little Way.

The world may not understand and that is fine. I know where my priorities truly lie and so I am taking a break from writing for a few weeks and then I will only write as time permits in the future. I plan to continue my relationship with Catholic Exchange, but I cannot possibly continue to write for a variety of publications as I have tried to do recently. Something has to give and I don’t want it to be my family. I am looking forward to some silence because the Internet is cacophonous these days. Pax Christi.

This article by Andrew Sullivan at New York Magazine is worth a serious read. It is lengthy, but he uncovers some truths about being a blogger, writer, and user of social media. I found myself nodding knowingly many times throughout.

First Grade: The Homeschooling Journey Continues

On August 30, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn Catholic Church, Christian Living, education, Homeschool, On the Culture, sacrifice, Study, virtues, vocationLeave a comment

My five year old daughter started First Grade yesterday. We have been homeschooling for a year. Kindergarten was very relaxed because I didn’t want to force her too quickly into a rigid school routine. She was interested in starting some school at three and became very interested at four. To my delight, not so much surprise, she breezed through Kindergarten and was ready to jump into First Grade early. The reasons we homeschool are vast. Some of these reasons include: religious conviction (this is the biggest), conscience issues, intellectual rigor, immorality within the culture, and the desire to go at our daughter’s pace.

Thankfully, we live in a state where homeschooling is respected and we live in great freedom. We do homeschool under a religious exemption and I applied under Virginia state code with my local school board using a variety of quotes from Popes and other Catholic resources. The great gift of the Church’s 2000 year history! It makes finding resources easy. Our exemption was granted with no trouble at all. It is very difficult to argue conscience of homeschooling with a Catholic because the Church has made it very clear that it is the parents’ right and duty to school their children in the manner they see fit and which will lead their children to Heaven. That latter part can be something we forget at times.

Part of homeschooling is to focus on going at the child’s own natural pace. My husband and I knew from birth that our daughter is smarter than both of us combined. While this does invoke some level of pride in us, some good and some bad, having a very smart kid comes with interesting problems and times of great comic relief. There’s nothing quite like your child pointing out your errors from a very young age. In fact, yesterday I was on the phone with my husband explaining to him a situation in which I felt powerless. When I hung up the phone, my daughter said to me: “Mommy, only God has power.” I was momentarily stunned into silence and then told her she was absolutely right.

Since I am a newer homeschooling mom, I try to read a lot of different books by veteran homeschoolers. I have read books on unschooling. I have read books on classical education of which I am a fan. I have read books on discipline and the need for tight schedules. I have read books on monastic living within the domestic church and the list goes on and on. These books have been helpful to a point, but really they tend to point to the author’s individual preferences over any universal necessity or practice in homeschooling. There is a need in day-to-day living and the spiritual life to instill discipline from an early age. Even though I was in the Navy for 6 years, I still struggle with discipline. One of the real difficulties is finding books that fully apply to us. I can learn a good amount from a mother with 10 children, but her situation is drastically different from my own. Homeschooling an only child comes with great blessings and difficulties that differ greatly from a large family.

First, I do not have older children or younger children who my daughter can learn from throughout the day, weeks, months, and years. Many of these moms discuss the great gift of learning from siblings, of which I have no doubt, but at this point it is God’s will for us to have only one child and that may remain. I do not know. We are looking into adoption, but just like my fertility, these things are entirely up to God. So the gift of a large family is wholly unhelpful to me and at times is painful for me since one child was never our plan. In all honesty, It makes it hard for me to want to attend a Catholic homeschooling conference since all of the speakers seem to have 6-10 children while the rest of us with one child or small families, through no fault of our own, are not represented in the speakers. My other friends who homeschool one or two children feel the same way.

Second, since it is just my daughter and me, there are times she is going to get tired of me and there will be burn out.There will also be burn out for me. Let’s be honest, homeschooling is something we are called to and it is by the grace of God that we are successful and survive. This is precisely why I cannot express enough gratitude and extol the blessings of our local Catholic homeschool coop.

Mondays are Coop day and while it is exhausting and crazy, it allows my daughter to be in a classroom with other kids of a variety of ages–I might add. She learns from other teachers on a whole host of subjects, many of which I do not do at home. This year she is learning Art, Italian, Classroom Concepts, as well as two programs we are doing at home, Harcourt Science (I am her teacher at Coop for this) and Classical Catholic Memory (CCM). She learns from me at home four days a week: Reading, Math, Religion, Science, Spelling, Writing, Art Appreciation, and CCM (a memory program that includes Latin, Religion, History, Science, Math, Poetry, and Geography each week). Coop gives her the opportunity to spend time with friends and to communicate with a wide age range of people from 3-18, as well as adults. There are over 30 kids in our Coop. Each Monday, she spends all day with other kids and moms and we both get a break and guidance as we go through this homeschooling adventure.

This year’s journey has only just begun. She seems to enjoy learning, and because it is just the two of us, we are done for the day by lunchtime. I am sure we will hit bumps on the road frequently. There will be days she isn’t as interested or a topic is a bit of a struggle. That is when we can take our time and down shift or up shift depending on her needs. Her being ahead allows for flexibility in future years. If she hits a subject in junior high or high school that is difficult for her, then we can take two years if we need to. She will graduate at 16 based on where we are now, but homeschooling her means that we can move her back to 18 if we need to. The point is to stay at her pace, so that she can foster a life-long love of learning from a very early age rather than become frustrated by either being ahead or behind. Pray for us. Like I said, no homeschooling family would ever pretend that it is an easy road. It is deeply difficult and one completely dependent on God, but it is rewarding, and in my view, the most assured (there are no guarantees, we can only do our best and rely on God’s grace) in keeping our daughter on the path to holiness in later life.

Teaching Beauty Over Sexy to Our Daughters

On August 24, 2016September 8, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn beauty, Catholic Church, Christian Living, conversion, Current Affairs, Current Events, Feminism, Marriage, moral theology, Motherhood, nature, On the Culture, Theology of the Body, virtues2 Comments

My family and I just spent 5 days at the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It was my first visit to the islands. It is an absolutely beautiful area. My husband and I are not big on the most popular beaches near us such as Virginia Beach, Myrtle, or Hilton Head. We don’t like crowds. The nice thing about the OBX is there are miles and miles of beach, which helps to minimize crowds and make for a peaceful vacation. While we were there my daughter and I perused a couple of the beach stores. She wanted a souvenir and needed some new sunglasses since she had left hers at home by accident. While we were in one of the stores, my daughter found a Frozen bathing suit that she really liked, a two piece.

In my early Twenties, I gave into the predominant culture that says women need to show off their bodies. This was further driven by the fact that I was in the military and in peak physical condition. I worked out 6 days a week and while I do the same thing now, vanity is always a struggle that must be fought against. I dressed modestly, but smartly back then. I never had any desire to wear short skirts lest I be stuck pulling them down all day and I also never had any interest in tops that showed a lot of cleavage. I am outdoorsy, so I had a more Eddie Bauer or L.L. Bean look to me than anything else. I still do. That is my Montana upbringing influencing my style choices.

When it came to going to the beach with my friends, I ended up choosing a bikini with short board shorts. It was what everyone else had bought on our shopping trip and I decided to join in. In reality, I felt self-conscious and realized any male attention I was drawing was not the kind I was ultimately looking for. I remember quite clearly trying to hide in the waves as much as possible on the crowded Ocean City, MD beach. Plus, nobody mentions that string bikini tops get knocked off by the waves, so that creates it’s own battle and embarrassment.

Flash forward 15 years and I now see why I felt so uncomfortable. Women are beautiful creations of God. Paintings, sculpture, and all mediums of art have portrayed the wonder of the female form. There is something good, mysterious, and alluring about the female sex. The problem arises when we distort that beauty and turn it into lust. The culture preaches lust and sexy over beauty. The skirts these days stop just below the butt and the tops leave very little to the imagination. Prom dresses look more like swimming suits than gowns. All of this tells our daughters that sex is the only way to get a man. It also doesn’t allow them to be comfortable in their clothes or their own skin. Watch teenage girls these days. They spend a lot of time re-adjusting their clothes because they feel self-conscious with so much skin showing.

Men are visual creatures. There is nothing wrong with admitting this fact. Ask any man and he will admit this truth. Men are drawn to the female sex because God made us as their helpmate and for the propagation of the species. We are meant ‘to go forth and multiply.’ This call has of course been sterilized, no pun, by the contraceptive mentality of Western culture. This is part of the reason women have been reduced to an object and told that being sexy is a requirement. We have not been freed by post-modernism. Instead we have been enslaved and reduced to the sex object we supposedly were fighting to avoid.

A woman should desire to be beautiful, body and soul, to a man; not an object of lust. Sexual desire is a healthy and even holy aspect of marriage. Sexuality is a gift from God and in no way should it be viewed with derision. Any thoughts that sex is dirty or wrong comes from Puritanical views of human sexuality that are diametrically opposed to the Catholic worldview. Sex is holy, period.

We need to teach our daughters that modesty is beautiful. If they want a man to see them as a person, then they cannot dress in a manner that is meant to incite lust. That is hardly just. Women cannot claim that men should learn to control themselves when we are intentionally trying to insight desire in men who are not our husband. We have an obligation to protect our brothers in Christ and to not be a near occasion of sin for them, but it is more than that. We should be respecting ourselves as unique creations from God who are meant to complement men. We are shrouded in mystery because of our ability to be co-creators with God. A woman can be beautiful in a bathing suit that is meant to complement the features of a woman, rather than show as much as legally possible. A knee length dress shows off the natural curves of a woman more than the shortest skirts. I tend to hold to the rule if I can’t genuflect in it then I am not wearing it.

I can’t explain all of this to my 5 year old right now. She doesn’t understand why I told her we don’t buy two piece bathing suits, except a tankini that covers as a one piece. We will have these discussions as she matures into a young woman, and often. I plan to tell my daughter that modesty reveals her dignity and beauty to men. I am not saying frumpy. I am saying modest. She can save sexy for her future husband. There will be plenty of time for that when marriage comes, if that is the vocation God calls her to in adulthood.

It is time to teach our daughters that they are beautiful gifts from God and that is how men should view them. We need to stop being a part of the problem and treat our brothers in Christ with the charity and respect they deserve. We’ve bought into the lies of our culture. Let’s abandon those lies for the beauty of our Catholic faith and the true dignity of men and women.

Saint Philip Neri: The Humorous Side of Humility

On May 26, 2016May 26, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn Catholic Church, Catholic Exchange, Christian Living, saints, vocationLeave a comment

We live in a world that takes itself too seriously. I would hazard a guess that many people reading this piece struggle with this taking of one’s self to seriously, just as I do. It turns out, there is a saint to help us: St. Philip Neri. Today the Church celebrates this humorous, charitable, obedient, and joyful saint. He was born in 1515 in Florence, Italy. He spent many years studying and serving as a layman before being ordained a priest. He had a profound mystical experience that led him to serve in hospitals and he felt such great love of God that he preached to the poor and the rich alike in his desire to bring the world to Him.

St. Philip developed quite a following. He founded a confraternity alongside his confessor, Persiano Rossa, called the Confraternity of the Most Holy Trinity of Pilgrims and Convalescents. The confraternity served the needs of poor pilgrims who came to Rome throughout the year and during jubilee years. St. Philip was ordained in 1551 and he also founded the Congregation of the Oratory, which was a group of secular priests.

St. Philip was known for unpredictable behavior that surprised a great many people:

He seemed to sense the different ways to bring people to God. One man came to the Oratory just to make fun of it. Philip wouldn’t let the others throw him out or speak against him. He told them to be patient and eventually the man became a Dominican. On the other hand, when he met a condemned man who refused to listen to any pleas for repentance, Philip didn’t try gentle words, but grabbed the man by the collar and threw him to the ground. The move shocked the criminal into repentance and he made a full confession.

St. Philip Neri, Catholic.org

It is clear that St. Philip could see the need for different approaches depending on the situation. It demonstrated his ability of discernment and his willingness to do what was necessary to bring others to God.

Read the rest over at Catholic Exchange.

Being Too Busy Impedes the Spiritual Life

On May 18, 2016May 18, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn Catholic Church, Catholic Exchange, Christian Living, Uncategorized1 Comment

There is a trend in our thinking that can lead us to believe that we must be busy all of the time. This busyness can easily mask our own self-importance, fear of silence, over-extension, or be a sign of our own spiritual restlessness. American culture, and increasingly many other cultures, has a default setting of busy. From children to adolescents to adults, there is a drive in our culture to maintain a fully booked, or double-booked, schedule. There are sports, clubs, ministries, volunteer work, parties, and other commitments that fill the pages of our calendars. The problem is that in all of this busyness our priorities, both in the spiritual life and in our vocations, can become disordered. We can forget what is truly important and place emphasis on the wrong activities at the expense of those that are more important.

The items on our daily agenda that are the most important for a Catholic may not necessarily be what is most important in our culture. It is easy to fall prey to this mentality since it is all around us. Contrary to popular opinion, sports, clubs, extracurricular, and even ministries can become disordered if they are not properly ordered to God and our vocation of holiness. Here are some things to keep in mind when planning your days, weeks, and months throughout the year.

Prayer is first.

I know this can be tough to remember. I still struggle to begin my day in prayer and to pray throughout the day. There are days when I am going through the motions of bedtime prayers with my 4-year-old and my mind is elsewhere. If we do not focus on prayer from the very beginning of our day, we are likely to fall off track. The less we pray, the more we are in danger of sin and disordered inclinations. Prayer is the number one thing in our daily lives that deepens our relationship with God. If we can attend daily Mass, then our day will be fully united to Christ in the Holy Eucharist, which gives us an extra edge in the battles that will come our way. This is not possible for a lot of people, so that is why prayer is crucial. There are many ways to pray. We can spend 15 minutes in Scripture in the morning, pray Lauds from the Divine Office, do a Morning Offering, a Rosary, or any other approved form of prayer from the Catholic tradition. The type of prayer doesn’t matter nearly as much as the habit of prayer. Our days need to be prayerful, so that we can make decisions that guide our families and ourselves on the path of holiness. There is nothing more important whether it be a soccer game, homework, or Facebook. Prayer is the most important part of our day.

Read the rest over at Catholic Exchange.

On Being a Graduate Student Theologian and a Stay-at-Home Mom

On May 11, 2016May 12, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

In the coming weeks, the editor at Catholic Exchange will post a podcast interview we did together that focuses on my life as a graduate theology student and a mom, as well as my increasing interesting in abandoning ideology for the full expansiveness of the authentic Catholic Faith. I will post a link when it is published. It was my first 30 minute interview, so be easy on me. ;o)

The interview did get me thinking about what it is really like being a full-time graduate student of Theology and a mom who is homeschooling her 4 year old. The biggest word that comes to mind is: sacrifice. My husband, daughter, and I are engaged in an extensive period of sacrifice of time together as a family. There are many nights a week when my husband comes home and immediately watches our daughter until bedtime so that I can hit the books or write an essay or term paper. Our daughter spends all day with me, but she still wants my attention as I trudge through St. Augustine’s Confessions one night and Friedrich Nietzsche’s philosophy the next, as is the case this semester with my full-time school load.

The reality is that something has to give and it does every semester. I do not get to spend Saturdays with my family right now because that is the best day of the week for me to get 6-8 straight hours of studying in. The truth-of-the-matter is that my time is divided and not so evenly. Some weeks my studies suffer and I race through material in order to understand enough to write a paper or engage in the discussion. I then come back to it when I have more time. Other weeks I barely see my family, especially in the last two weeks of the semester when term papers and final exams are due.

I am a mom, 35 years old, and will never be a great scholar. I have dreamed of a PhD or S.T.D since childhood, but there are not any programs available at present which are conducive for my vocation. Three-Five more years of study in another state would come at too much of a cost for my family. The nearest Catholic university to me with doctoral programs is 4.5 hours away: Washington, DC. I married a country boy and I promised him that I had left DC behind for good when we got married, so applying to CUA is out of the question. God has given me a compromise. I had 3 years of Veteran’s Education Benefits left; plenty to cover the cost of my entire Master’s program. He opened up a window for me to pursue my academic dreams, but with the caveat that my vocation as a wife and mother comes first. That means using these gifts in a manner complimentary with my primary vocation. It also means a Master’s will have to be enough for now, or ever.

There are plenty of women who are called to scholarly work outside of the home. If I were younger and not a homeschooling mom, I could see it being a possibility for me and my family. And who knows?! If God does not provide us with anymore children, I may be one of those women who looks at a doctorate in her mid to late forties. For now I will focus on homeschooling my daughter and completing my Master’s degree and seeing where God calls me as a writer and potential speaker. I guess those years as a debater and debate coach might be useful down the line, God willing.

So what is it like being a graduate student theologian and a mom? It’s hard, beautiful, amazing, sacrificial, stressful, and a blessing. As is the case with all major tasks there are big sacrifices being made by my family and me. I try to spend the 3 months a year I have off of school focusing on fun activities with my daughter. My particular program at Catholic Distance University is a year round program with a month off in between every semester. With all of this sacrifice it may not make sense why we do it, but the reality is that God gave me a certain kind of intellect and he wants me to use it for His purposes. Part of that use comes from further formal study. I have no idea what God’s plan is for me after I graduate next year. In the past year alone I have been stunned to become a freelance writer, been on Ave Maria Radio/EWTN Radio twice, and been asked to do my first paid speaking engagement. I am happy with the pace right now and I am excited to see how He will use me in the mission He has set aside for me. Part of that mission is homeschooling our daughter and I am constantly learning, albeit slowly and poorly most days, that my vocation is primary and everything else is icing on the cake.

Life is Full of Waiting Right Now

On March 9, 2016 By swimmingthedepthsIn Catholic Church, Christian Living, Homesteading/Farming, Lent, Marriage, Motherhood2 Comments

My husband and I are in a time of waiting, which is appropriate for this Lenten season. The doctors have still not found the cause for why my dad is so sick and so we wait, try not to worry (super hard), and leave it to God’s loving care. We are also in the middle of negotiating the purchase of the small farm we have always wanted. If we buy the house, which is right in our price range, but much larger than we need (I trust God will help us to use it well) then we will be uprooting our lives from the community we have known for six years. I am used to moving every 3 years or so and this is the longest I have lived anywhere since I was 18, but it is still a major change if it goes through.

We live in an area of the Appalachians that is filled with small communities and farms as well as a small city nearby. This house is an hour from our current home and we would have to switch to a mission parish (we live in Baptist country so Catholic Churches are spread out) and to a small town way of life. The farm is three miles from a small artisan town near the Blue Ridge Parkway. Living near the Parkway is a huge bonus! Lots of hiking!

The house has everything we could possibly need and more. At 3700 square feet it is palatial for our tiny family, but we are still discerning adoption. We need room for a homeschool classroom and an office for me to work more diligently on my writing career after I complete my Master’s next year. My husband is a skilled wood-turner and he will have space to grow in his craft.

The “old” farmhouse (built in 1910), this still makes me laugh after living in Europe for a spell, sits on 10 beautiful acres complete with pond. The land is rolling and perfect for animals and our garden. I have never lived in the country. I am from the largest “city” in Montana: Billings, population 100,000. My dad was an attorney for most of my young life, so we weren’t farmers. I did learn to love gardening and flowers from my mother who has an amazing green thumb.

Right now we wait for the owners to accept or counter our offer. It’s more waiting added onto the waiting on my dad’s condition. This Lent has been a difficult one for me as I try to learn patience in the face of the unknown. It’s also a time for us to decide on which dream to pursue long-term. We have always discussed starting a small farm, even when Phil and I were dating, but it is hard to leave our parish community and the connections we have made here. It would also mean a probable end to my homeschool co-op membership here. I may try the hour long drive for a while, but it may get to be too much and we will have to be more creative in very rural Virginia.

I always covet prayers, so please offer some up for us. The Solemnity of St. Joseph is next week and he has been an ever growing friend these past few weeks in dealing with my father’s confusing illness and the possible uprooting of our family. May God continue to bless you.

Liturgical Living Made Simple: Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux

On October 1, 2015October 1, 2015 By swimmingthedepthsIn Liturgical LivingLeave a comment

I am focusing on bringing the liturgical calendar into our daily lives and family. It has been a goal of mine for some time, but I didn’t pursue it in earnest for a variety of reasons. This week really began my focus on celebrating feasts that are important to our family, so this week we have in different ways celebrated the Feast of the Holy Archangels, St. Therese, and tomorrow the Holy Guardian Angels. I am not a particularly crafty person, so I like to keep things simple, but beautiful. I do enjoy cooking, so I have found some great recipes to help me. I also don’t want to do a dessert for every feast day. For a week like this, that would have been three different desserts. Instead I chose to reserve a special dessert for my daughter’s feast day on Tuesday and the other two feasts do an easy craft and a dinner that focuses on the saint.

For today’s Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux, I made the French dish, Venison Bourguignon. More specifically I made this recipe. It was out of this world good. I have been slowly sipping a glass of the dry red wine I used in the recipe. The meat was tender and the sauce tasted like wine, herbs, and meat. I have been to Paris and I had forgotten just how good French food really is to eat. It was a fantastic way to celebrate and savor. St. Therese is one of my patronesses and you can read about her in my article over at Catholic Exchange for today. She teaches me to how to offer my daily life to God as a sacrifice of love.

In choosing to live the rhythms of the Church I am better able to focus my family in our vocation and journey towards Heaven. Instead of being so focused on this world, stepping into the liturgical calendar reminds us that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses who are cheering us on with their prayers. They want us to get to know them, befriend them, and rely on them for prayers much like we rely on our friends on this side of Eternity. If you haven’t tried celebrating feast days outside of Christmas and Easter, I recommend adding a few celebrations to your family’s calendar. Choose your family’s patrons and patronesses or saints who have really helped you on the journey. There are so many saints on the calendar that it is hard to celebrate all of them. I look at the calendar each month and choose which ones to celebrate. Next week we will have a Middle Eastern dinner in honor of Our Lady of the Rosary.

Like I said, I am not one of those awesome Pinterest moms who can carve Our Lady out of butter. I keep it pretty simple and my 4 year old daughter is not ready for complex crafts anyway. Today we made paper roses,which you can find here. They are super easy to make and really pretty. Even someone as inept as I am can make them. My only tip is not to wrap them too tight or they will not look like a rose. I learned that the hard way.

Here are a few pictures from our St. Therese Feast. I decorate our table with flowers and pictures of St. Therese and our statue of Christ. Tomorrow I will change the images out for some I have found of Guardian Angels and make a Spaghetti Squash Pad Tai. The squash will be “angel hair” in place of rice noodles. We grow spaghetti squash in our garden have tons of them right now. God bless.