Miscarriage, Grief, and the Need to Write

I fully intended to take a break from writing. I thought that my anguish would keep me from putting down a single word, but the opposite has happened. I have written and submitted two articles on miscarriage in the past 48 hours and written 30 pages in a journal I purchased for this trip into grief. Countless people have asked me to write a much needed book on miscarriage. Perhaps it will come out of this fourth loss and perhaps not. All I can do is scribble in my journal what feels like the ravings of a person detached from myself.

For the writer, pain tends to bring forth work that is more real, raw, and intense. It is as if we can see the human condition more clearly through the haze of our grief. It is the only clarity given as all else appears a dull gray. There is beauty all around, but I cannot touch it right now. I sense it from memory, but there is no deep connection to it at present. This is typical of the grief stricken.

I am re-reading C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed. In my view, it is the most honest look at grief that has ever been written. I largely skipped over the Introduction. I have been a Madeleine L’Engle fan since childhood, but her theology always leaves something wanting and is too relativistic. She is a much better fantasy writer. I recommend skipping straight to Lewis’ work if you have the same volume as I do.

While some of the experiences of grief may differ from person-to-person, Lewis looks at every aspect of grief in relation to himself, his lost wife, and God. He freely admits the struggle between believing in a benevolent God and a malevolent God. The problem for a Christian is that we tend to no longer be capable of atheism. Once we have met the Living God, even our grief doesn’t fully send us into an existential crisis that ends in materialism. We may have an existential crisis, but we usually end up in the Father’s arms once the intense pain and anger has subsided. No. The battle wages over God’s goodness.

I am thankful that Lewis delves into this struggle. It is one I face, and have faced, through all of my losses. A pregnancy feels like a promise and a miscarriage makes it all seem like a lie. The heart beating on the screen is the definition of hope and then that hope and joy is stolen. Instead, my heart is ripped from my chest and I am left reeling. I am turned into an empty shell that has to be filled up again. My previous joy and excitement over the coming of another child is taken away and I am left sobbing in front of an ultrasound picture and the onesies I picked up to celebrate the new baby.

The problem with the grieving is that we are a bit inconvenient for everyone else. We are a reminder that death is real and that deep suffering and agony await all of us. We don’t know when that time will come, but we don’t like to be reminded of it, especially us Americans with our keep-insanely-busy-in-an-attempt-to-outrun-fate-or-destiny-or-whatever-we-imagine-is-really-in-charge. Pain makes people scatter and only the truly brave are able to stick around and enter into the suffering of others. This is an experience that I have been through four times, as well as in the grips of PTSD and post-partum depression, and as a  9-11 relief worker.

In truth, it has made me more patient with the weaknesses of others. I know that most of my friends will run away during this time. The truly close ones will stick it out, but others will wait until I am less likely to break into uncontrollable sobbing or when I can at least hide my pain better. My suffering makes people uncomfortable and I know it. What they don’t realize is that I am not looking for them to fix it. They cannot fix it, nor can I. All that is needed is authentic compassion, but even that is hard for people to summon. We assume because we have never been through something that we cannot be compassionate. I didn’t lose anyone in 9-11, but I rushed in to help as a relief worker. My presence was enough. Your presence is enough to the grieving people in your life.

Platitudes get the grieving nowhere. It is useless to tell us that they are in a better place, something was clearly wrong with the baby, or it was God’s will. How is that supposed to take away our pain? Somehow the loss is supposed to be assuaged by this knowledge and yet the ache still remains. The grief doesn’t lessen because somebody tries to tell us something that makes them feel better in that moment because they are not the grieving. In reality all we can say to someone who has lost a loved one is “I am so sorry for your loss”. That’s it. Nothing else will help or matter to the person who is mourning for someone they loved. Nothing will bring my child back. Something being wrong with the child does not take away the pain of lost motherhood. Even though A Grief Observed is about his wife, Lewis has the clearest understanding of what miscarriage or the loss of a child means, and why theological platitudes are unhelpful to those in the grips of early grief:

If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in losing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to ‘glorify God and enjoy Him forever.’ A comfort to the God-aimed, eternal spirit within her. But not her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.

C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed.

We have a tendency within the Church to not allow people to grieve. We think that theological explanations should be enough. This is an utter denial of the human experience. It is to ignore the horrendous reality of death and the toll it takes on all of us. The separation between a mother and her lost child is an infinite chasm on this side of eternity. The pain of never hearing the child’s first cries, or seeing their first steps, or witnessing the man or woman they would become renders a mother heartbroken in ways previously unimagined. I cannot make you experience my pain, but the level of its intensity on certain days almost makes it seem like it will kill me, but it won’t. Grief takes us to the outer reaches of suffering. It takes us to our limits, but we survive it, even if we don’t think that we will in certain moments.

So why is it that we try to brush this pain off and pretend that the tenants of our Faith are enough to take away that grief? This isn’t even a Catholic approach, for Pete’s sake! We are body and soul and our bodies and souls grieve. We do not pretend that death isn’t real. We do not pretend that grief is not crushing. It is soul-crushing. It is a journey that must be walked. No amount of exegesis is going to remove the suffering that must be experienced when a child dies. The theological and spiritual answers and eschatological hope are only healing after the deep pain has run its course. I am a theology graduate student. I know what the answers are supposed to be, but that doesn’t take away the intense agony and grief. The hope of Heaven cannot shorten the journey that must be walked through this grief.

The Cross comes before the Resurrection and the Cross must be endured first. I once again must walk to Golgotha, to the foot of the Cross, and take the agony I feel to His feet. I must cry out “why” and endure the pain of loss. And, yes, I will wonder if God is good or not. It is hard for a mother to imagine why she got to see a strong heartbeat two weeks in a row only to have it snatched away from her days later. It makes a person question, but God makes us stronger through the questions and the suffering. At least, that is what I remember even though I don’t “feel” it right now. My faith isn’t dependent upon my feelings. If it was, I would have left after 9-11, or during the PTSD, or when I lost my first child in miscarriage. Thank God my feelings matter so little.

Side Note:

  • Some of the resources for Catholics who have suffered from a miscarriage are dreadful. I think this is a cause of frustration for so many families. I know it has been for me and my friends who have suffered from miscarriage. The resources are sparse and some of the ones that are available are inaccurate or do not clearly understand Church teaching. The concept of unbaptized babies is a gray area theologically, but the nature of the Sacrament of Baptism is not.

    There is no doubt that a devout Catholic would have Baptism in mind for their lost child; however, a miscarriage means the child has died. We do not baptize the dead. Sacraments are reserved for the living. There may be a rare case when the child is born from induced labor and may take a few breaths. That child can be baptized. Those of us who have suffered from 1st trimester miscarriages are not able to baptize our children. By the time the baby’s body passes out of our body the child is dead. More often than not, we are not even able to find the body for burial. I have never gotten a funeral for any of my miscarried babies.

    Even though we cannot baptize them, we leave our children to the mercy of God since He knows we most certainly would have baptized them had they been full-term. In the grips of grief with my second one, a priest had to kindly remind me that I could not baptize my dead children. This realization was painful, but I appreciated his willingness to be honest and remind me of the nature of the Sacraments. This in no way lessens God’s power or mercy. Grief does make us grasp at straws….

A Note on Your Emails

Dear Readers,

Hello! I wanted to let you know that if you leave a comment here or email me from Catholic Exchange, I do read all of your lovely notes. Unfortunately, life does occasionally keep me from responding to all of them. I greatly appreciate your encouragement, questions, and thoughts on my writing. I pray for every person who writes to me. So if I miss you in giving a response, I do apologize. I am truly grateful for your kind and charitable words. I don’t tend to respond to uncharitable comments or emails, though. May God bless you always.

Pax Christi,

Constance

Sporadic Writing Until April

Hello! My writing on the blog will be sporadic as I prepare for my Christology final exam. Anyone who has taken a graduate level Christology course will understand just how intense of a class it is and how much information one is required to absorb. It is an incredible and humbling class, but will require hours upon hours of studying to prepare for the final. I hope all of you have a very blessed Holy Week and beginning of the Easter season. Pax Christi.

Giving Up the Blog

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I have been in a major pruning phase lately. If I don’t need it, or if it is not adding to my already heavy workload, then it needs to be cut. I wrote a blog yesterday on The Responsibility of Catholic Writers and I once again started to consider my own place as a writer. I have never been much of a blogger. I have tried different formats, but in reality, I am a formal writer. I prefer to do researched articles or pieces, whether they are theological in nature or something to help people on the path to holiness. I was really struggling to find my voice when Michael Lichens at Catholic Exchange recruited me. I was shocked because it was one of my favorite Catholic sites and I had made it a year goal to get a submission to them. In a great turn of events, I have been writing nearly weekly for them since April. I love writing for CE. It is a wonderful fit for me and I really believe in their mission.

Since I began writing as a contributor at CE and submitting pieces elsewhere it has become increasingly more difficult for me to keep up a personal blog. I am already a graduate student, homeschooling my daughter, and writing two books. I have a full plate of writing projects. Writing an article like the ones I write at CE takes a lot more time than a blog post. I have to read or re-read Church documents, biographies, or other works before I can even begin writing. There is a definite research component and then I spend the hours needed to write the piece. It just doesn’t leave a lot of extra time for blogging here.

I think I finally need to admit that I don’t particularly like being a blogger. I am thankful that this blog has opened up avenues that I had never previously dreamed of and that God has blessed me through this endeavor. It was my theological response in charity to an error that changed everything for me. Michael and I find it amusing that he recruited me because I criticized one of the pieces at CE for theological confusion. God has a sense of humor.

I don’t particularly like blogging because I just don’t use social media much these days. That is one of the main avenues for getting work out to the masses. I deleted my Facebook pages and I plan to delete Twitter this morning. I use Pinterest for recipes and homeschooling ideas. The huge uptick in views on my blog over the last few months is quite simply because people read one of my articles at CE, or one that has been picked up elsewhere, and they stop by. I don’t have the time to offer the same quality pieces on a daily basis here on the blog. I will have more time after grad school. This month is looking to be the highest views I have ever had since doing this blog. In my mind that means I am doing double duty. I don’t particularly want my own blog per say. I really enjoy being a part of a larger mission at places like Catholic Exchange, and when I have the time, Crisis Magazine, First Things, and other more formal Catholic sites. Catholic Exchange is one of the largest Catholic platforms on the Internet. Why not focus on their beautiful mission, instead of my own blog?! It’s nice to see when an article gets picked up by uCatholic, New Advent, The American Conservative, or other sites where people have shared my work. It has been an awe-inspiring and humbling ride so far and sanctifying because pride is always a danger for writers, most especially me.

It actually feels pretty good to admit that I am not a blogger and don’t particularly enjoy it. There are bloggers whose websites have really helped me over the years and will continue to do so. I would rather serve and write articles that I am good at, and those are of a more formal and researched nature. There is nothing wrong with that. It is how God made me. Giving up on the battle with this blog also frees up more time for the two books that I have started in earnest, most especially the book I am writing on miscarriage. Blogging takes up valuable time. I guess I am more old-school. I like to write articles and books. I love paper!

I do want to thank each and every person who has stopped by and those who have left comments or emails. I appreciate the encouragement that you have given me and I will be sure to give Michael my email address so that people can still email me. I will leave this content up for a bit. I do get a lot of visitors on the days I post beauty themes, so I will keep those available for a while. I’ve paid for the domain, so why not?!

So here ends my journey as a blogger and a new phase as a writer begins. I pray God blesses all of you on your journey to holiness. Pax Christi.

Beginning to Write a Book on Miscarriage

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It’s time to tear off the band-aid and begin writing my book on miscarriage in earnest. It is needed and I know that I am called to write it (I already have a place to submit it when I get done!), but it means walking through dark places again. The Light is always with me. I covet your prayers as I undertake this endeavor. The words are in my head, but I need the courage and grace to put them into book form. It is a endeavor of healing, prayer, and theological inquiry. God bless.

Dear Readers, Writers Have to Make Choices and So Do You in Your Comments

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Being a writer on the Internet is tough business these days. The criticism that is leveled at writers on a daily basis can be demoralizing and downright inhumane. Much of the criticism I see is from people who have not even read the piece that I wrote on that particular day. They make a comment purely based on the title. Since we pour ourselves into our pieces, we can tell when someone has actually read an article we’ve written. Either that, or I missed someone’s favorite item in the article and I hear about it.

When you finally land a freelance gig, you have to keep the momentum going that landed you that position in the first place. That momentum can slow when criticism begins to pile up. It is easy to criticize individuals who write on the Internet, whether as bloggers or professional writers. We can easily believe that our own worldview is the only worldview and we share that on the comments sections of various articles or blogs. The Catholic world, where I primarily write these days, is no different. We nit-pick at each other. There always has to be someone who criticizes or points out a believed oversight. Today I want to share with you a few thoughts on being a writer as well as suggestions for commenting on the published work of a brother or sister in Christ. I am going to share my view and experience, so that you can consider it the next time you go to comment.

1. Writers have a word limit, usually around 1500 words.

Most websites have a word limit around 1500 words. Some have even lower word counts and a longer article is usually for a special project. For people who do not like to write, 1500 can seem like a lot of words, but for a writer that is a very limiting space. It is even more limiting when we want to back up our articles with quotes or historical information. Bloggers are not limited because it’s their own space and they can write as much as they want, but to write for a publication means limits. Consider that the next time you are on Catholic Exchange, Crisis, First Things, Catholic Culture, National Catholic Register, etc.

2. We have to make choices in our work.

Much of what I write about is theological in nature and related to the Catholic Church in some way. When I write for the websites that I contribute to, I have to consider the audience, the mission of the site, and a topic. It is impossible for me to cover every single topic in one post. It is impossible for me to completely cover a topic in 1500 words. That’s what books are for. I do the best that I can to give the important information. When I worked as a linguist for the Navy, we called giving the main points a gist. When I write an article about a saint, theological point, or contemporary topic, I am giving you the gist. I give the most pertinent information. When I write about a saint, I have to pick ONE saint for the day. I cannot cover multiple saints in one article without doing an injustice to one of them. I pick the saint who speaks to me at that moment and I make the choice to learn more about them through research, intercessory prayer, and the writing of the piece. Most of the topics that I write about could fill a library, so keep that in mind when reading an article on the Internet.

3. We make inadvertent mistakes.

One of the hallmarks of charity is that we learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have chosen three websites to contribute to at this point, and they chose me. All of us are orthodox and desire to share the mission of evangelizing the world. These three websites do it in vastly different ways, but all with the same goal in mind. When a writer types a wrong date, phrases something wrong, or misses a typo, expect that it was an accident. If it turns out the phrasing was intentional, then consider if you have the knowledge, humility, charity, and ability to correct them. You may not be called to fraternal correction and maybe you are. Be prudent.

4. Writing is a very difficult discipline.

Writing is tough business. It is truly a gift that God gives certain people to be used in service of Him. There are days we have to force ourselves to write despite our mood or schedule. We have to come up with topics out of thin air. Yes, much of daily life and cyberspace provide a wide range of topics, but that doesn’t mean each article is easy. Some things flow out of us and other times it is like pulling teeth. Don’t assume because it is on the screen that it came easily to the author. Many pieces come from sweat and tears. Pieces that are written from deeply painful personal experience may have been written with a lot of sobbing involved.

5. Sharing our work in public is hard, and I mean hard.

Every single time I submit a piece to one of my editors or write on my own blog my heart begins to race. I get embarrassed because I have shared a part of myself in my work. It doesn’t matter the topic, there is a little piece of me in every article I write. I wait for the hammer to fall as people come out of the woodwork to criticize what I worked so hard to share. I write to share the Faith, but even that is not good enough for many people.

6. Editors are human beings too.

If we are a freelance writer for a large website, then we have an editor. They read every single one of our pieces and try to catch anything we may have missed during our editing process. They miss things every now and then. Many editors read more than 20-25,000 words per week from their writers. So cut them a break. Cut all of us a break. Yes, we will all make grammatical errors every now and then. It is not the end of the world.

A Few Words on Commenting About Our Work

Consider your training before you comment.

There are a great many lay Catholic writers out there, which is a good thing. There are a lot who have no formal theological training, which is fine. There are plenty of theologians out there who do write. Every Catholic should read the Catechism, but reading the Catechism is not even close to be the same thing as being a theologian. Theologians don’t just read the Catechism, they read the documents that are in the footnotes of the Catechism, while also learning thousands of ecclesial terms in Latin and Greek. Both serve the Church and are needed, but they are not the same thing. When we read an article by someone who is formally trained (I do not include myself here because I am still a student) we should consider whether or not we have the knowledge base to correct them. Humilitas is a good thing! Not every MA or PhD is correct, but someone armed with the CCC is going to be out of their depth pretty quickly. So, the Internet is not where we are King of the Mountain, it is where we can learn.

Do you really think the author intentionally missed your favorite thing?

Once again this goes with humility. It is not a bad thing if an author missed your favorite saint, item, song, book, theologian, etc. As I said above, we have a limited amount of space and we have to make choices. When there is more than one saint on any given feast day, I pick one saint to write about. I am trying to go deeper into the faith and that individual’s life. If I try to include multiple saints then I can only remain at a superficial level. If I am writing about Theology of the Body or some other theological school, there is no way I can give a full picture in 1500 words. Read the books I cite if you want more information! That’s how I learned. I read the books. Writers are limited and correcting us on your favorite item does no good. We are aware of those things, but chose to leave them out.

Stay on topic.

Please, please, please, if you are going to comment on one of our pieces, stay on topic. I do not respond to comments on my work that are not on topic. I don’t have time for those rabbit trails. If I write about St. Thomas More, then he is the only saint I am focused on for that day in my writing. If I write about Magisterial teaching authority, then all I am talking about is our obligation to obedience on that day, not prudential judgment. If I write about science and the Church, I am talking about the Catholic Church and not Young Earth Creationism (Catholics are not). If you are interested in genuine dialogue with the author, then write thoughtful, patient, charitable, and on point comments. We love to engage with our readers, but not when we can’t even understand what a person is talking about.

Check the sinful anger.

There is such a thing as righteous anger. It is the type of anger that leads us to pray Rosaries outside of abortion clinics and give up our job when people try to force us to violate our conscience. Ad hominem attacks, however, fall into the sinful anger category. Do not call an author names, even if they are the biggest jerk on the planet. You see what I did there. I personally leave discussions the minute they turn into personal attacks. It’s not worth it and the conversation has turned from discourse to a fight. When you become angry because of an article, consider first why you are angry. Did they strike a nerve? I can understand heresy making a person angry, but not sinfully so. Pray for them. There have always been heretics. If you can keep your cool and discuss the issue with them, then fine, but yelling, ranting, screaming, etc. does no good.

Think before you go full Grammar Nazi on us.

If we are writing for larger publications it is because somewhere, somehow, someone has seen our potential as a writer. You don’t have to agree with them, but that is what happened. Most of us have some knowledge of the English language. It doesn’t mean that we will not make mistakes, but it does mean that we are not uneducated and illiterate. Many of us are in, or have achieved advanced education of some kind. I am in graduate school. So, when you find an error, don’t go all English teacher on us. It is condescending and annoying. For me, I am quite happy to have readers correct my typos or errors. I pass them along to my editors. I don’t mind correction, but I mind people talking down to me. I am an adult and not sitting in your English class. Offer a quick, “There’s a typo here or a probable grammar error here.” I can figure it out without the English lesson. Fraternal correction, whether in the spiritual life or in matters of grammar, has a lot to do with presentation and tone. Just point out the error and leave it at that.

The Internet is a great place where people can exchange ideas and share the Faith. It is also a place of rabid anger and vitriol and that includes by self-professed Catholics. Let’s learn charity and humility in our dealings with people in social media. Before you share a comment, consider your tone and its applicability to the topic. If a writer doesn’t respond to your comment it is probably because it was too angry, off point, or unclear, or they are just too busy. All writers greatly appreciate their readers. We just ask that you treat us with the dignity and respect that human beings deserve. God bless.

In Which I Respond to an Amusing Critique of My Blog

Yesterday I chanced upon a random, short, and sarcastic review of the look and content of my blog on Reddit. I don’t even know the purpose of Reddit, by the way. It made me chuckle. I wasn’t angry, I thought it was funny. I found it amusing because it is so typical of us human beings to misunderstand, judge, and label people, even based on their Internet blog choices or writing. Since I found it amusing, I thought I would answer some of their complaints. This is not meant to be snarky at all and is really a reflection of my amusement with it all.

The commenter is clearly fed up with the Catholic Blogosphere and it’s declaration that it is its own Magisterium. I completely understand. I have argued against the same mentality and took a break from writing for that very reason. I no longer wanted to be a part of the problem, at least not intentionally. I could see that a great many people make their living in the Catholic world the same way the secular world does, through shock jock tactics and click bait headlines. I get it. It sells, but in my mind, it doesn’t serve the mission which is the conversion of souls. I examined my own tactics and style not only on my blog, but in social media and realized that I was a part of the problem. When I started graduate school last year, I started to see the wealth and beauty of the faith that can be shared with others. So I decided to focus on those things that will help people on the journey and steer clear of polemics as much as possible. I am not saying that my writing is the greatest out there, not even close, but I would encourage readers to pay attention to a new breed of Catholic writers who are coming up. We are also fed up with the fighting and want to focus on holiness. That is why I am so honored and love writing for Catholic Exchange. Their mission is the conversion of souls, not Catholic in-fighting and politics.

Moving from the topic of the Catholic blogosphere, they complained that I was just another self-proclaimed theologian. That’s not entirely accurate. In my About section I make it clear that I am a “student theologian”, which is what my professors call me and my fellow graduate students. I did this so that readers understand and are aware of my education status and knowledge level. Much to my shock, folks with doctorates and who are way more knowledgeable than I am, have visited my site. I want them to know where I am at, so that if I inadvertently make an error, they can offer the intellectual and fraternal correction that may be necessary. I am not sure what constitutes theologian in this person’s mind, but advanced study is a typical pre-requisite, which I am trying to fulfill. By virtue of my vocation, I am limited in my ability to study as much as I would like and may have to stop at the Master’s level. So, no, I will never be a great theologian, but perhaps God will use me in some manner because of the gifts and interests he has given me. For now I am focused on theological study at the graduate level.

The rest of the complaints were visual, and that is really what had me amused. They complained that Catholic blogs always have a specific look or name to them. Well, that makes sense. Catholic writers tend to be lovers of beauty, sacred art, and Catholic Culture, so that is what is reflected on our blog. Beauty is a very big theme on my blog. I don’t write every day because sometimes people just need a chance to marvel at the beauty of the universe. I go out of my way to make it easy for people to find some form of beauty on Mondays and Fridays. It’s not great intellectual work, but it is one of the very specific ways that God reveals Himself to us through reason. So, yes, my blog is a typical Catholic blog.

They complained that my picture was black and white, in they guessed, some attempt to be artsy. Actually, and this is why judgment is a silly thing to do, I found this picture on my phone after my daughter had change it to black and white. Being iPhone illiterate, I didn’t even know that my phone did that, and I was impressed that my daughter, who is 3 years old mind you, had changed it. So my profile picture is me, but it is also a reminder of my daughter. She made my profile picture. I guess it is easy to mock people when we have no back story or understanding of why they choose certain things.

They also complained about the self promotion of Catholic writers. I get that, but much of that is based on perception of the individual, not reality. I absolutely loathe self promotion. I hate that I have to “promote” my writing in social media. I especially dislike Twitter. I don’t like to use it and it is so much information that I don’t know how anyone finds anything in their feed. I essentially post and run. I share a few random things on Twitter, but not because I am particularly engaged. I use Facebook more because I think that it is a useful social media platform and I am connected to many learned Catholics who are smarter than I am. I feel awkward every single time I have to share something that I have written, whether it is from this blog or my professional writing for Catholic Exchange. I also try to promote my fellow writers at Catholic Exchange in social media since we are all trying to fulfill the mission of bringing the Good News to the world.

They also made fun of the title of my blog. I have actually struggled over the years finding my niche as a Catholic writer. I am not a mommy blogger. I came up with this title when I was contemplating the vastness of the Blessed Trinity during my first semester of graduate school. In my mind, I felt like I was swimming into an infinitely deep and vast pool. Swimming the Depths just made sense to me and it is my own private devotion to the mystery of the Blessed Trinity. People don’t have to like it, but it is a profound reminder to me personally of how small I am in light of the Beatific Vision.

I think what people like this forget, is that God does call certain people to writing. I love writing. It just flows out of me. Most of the time I read my own writing and think “How on earth did that come from me?!”. I use my writing to serve God, not myself. Yes, I have to fight pride, but as I told my Confessor earlier this week, that is part of the great struggle in public work. Many people write as a hobby, much like people who paint or draw. I was writing as a hobby until recently when, by the grace of God and the charity of an editor, I became a “professional writer”. I am not entirely sure what that means, but it does mean that I will occasionally get paid for my musings. We also need to remember that in this digital age, self promotion is a part of the task of becoming a professional writer. I don’t like it, but if I want to be a writer then I have to share my stuff. I think there are a great many writers who feel the same way. Perhaps some enjoy it, but most of the writers I know despise promoting their work.

I will end with these thoughts. Feel free to dislike my choices for theme and picture. Those items are a matter of taste. The picture on my site of the rose is something that I took in Charleston, SC, which is a beautiful city. I like the picture very much. Please feel free to disagree with me, although, any Catholics disagreeing because they are not submitting to the Magisterium should take that up with their priest. This blogger submits completely and totally to ALL teachings of the Catholic Church. If you want to discuss items that are open for theological debate, please do. I would say that it’s important to move from superficial judgments, however, or we may find ourselves thrown into pride and envy. I know. I’ve done it and still do it, which is why I write quite a bit about the great blessings of frequent Confession. I thank anyone who stops by and I truly hope you leave this little basement corner of the Internet better than when you came. I just ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt and not let superficial prejudices keep you from Catholic websites. God bless.