A few days ago a friend of mine came to me to share some joyful news: She’s pregnant.
She felt some trepidation in telling me the news. This friend and I have suffered together through the grief of miscarriage; for her the loss of her daughter and for me the loss of four children, two daughters and two sons. She and I have stood at the foot of the Cross together bearing the agony of losing a child to miscarriage and learning to offer everything back to Christ.
She prayed with me at the local Planned Parenthood a few short weeks after my fourth miscarriage while she grieved her miscarriage that occurred a few months prior. We are sisters that Christ has bonded together through the shared pain of loss transformed in His eternal fire of love through emptying ourselves in service to the unborn. Even so, our paths are still very different.
“My path to holiness will differ from my sisters in Christ, just as theirs will differ from my own.”
By His grace, I have come to accept that I will not have anymore children. Our Lord’s will for me in this area is crystal clear. He has blessed us with our daughter, but my days of changing diapers and first steps are done.
This is an area spiritually where I fought hard against God’s will for years, only to discover that peace and joy are only found in living in accordance with His will over my own. I finally relinquished my grip and let go. I stopped comparing myself to other Catholic mothers and started to live the life that God has given to me. My path to holiness will differ from my sisters in Christ, just as theirs will differ from my own.
Even with this relinquishment on my part, my friend was concerned about sharing her wonderful news with me. She knows the tears I have shed in secret or at Mass because I miss my babies or because everyone around me my age seems to be pregnant. A couple of years ago the news would have been bittersweet for me. I would have been happy for her, but sad that I will never again get to deliver such amazing news again myself or hold another infant child in my arms that is my child.
Read the rest over at Catholic Exchange.
Swimming the Depths 
Thanks for sharing this with me. My heart carries similar sentiments about not being able to have more children and coming to the understanding it was in God’s Will. I still have pangs of desire for more children and tear up on occasion, but have come to embrace my adult children at this stage of life as a joyful and beautiful time. We are all in this together and I applaud your openness and insight on this grey and cold morning in the Midwest. God bless you and peace to you always♥️