So here’s the thing, I love coffee. Okay, maybe I like the sugar, cream, and syrups that make coffee taste good to me. I am not a black coffee drinker. I need sugar and a flavored creamer, or better yet, a pumpkin spice latte, or white chocolate mocha to really enjoy coffee. My addiction to coffee started slowly in the last year I was in the Navy. I would make a couple of trips to Starbuck’s a week. It was funny that I made it through three years of miserable shift work without drinking coffee, but then, I was introduced to the gingerbread latte and it all went downhill from there. In my world whomever came up with these delicious, creamy, holidays in a cup, is either the greatest person in the world, or the worst. Not really, but my addiction thinks so.
I really started drinking a lot of coffee when my daughter was born. I mean, come on, no sleep and I can have an immediate energy boost in a cup? Yes, please. It started with one cup, that I would have to re-heat over and over again because I had an infant to care for. Then it became two. My problem is that coffee is not good for me. I am a neurotic person by nature and the last thing I need is lots of caffeine coursing through my veins. Thanks to my doctor, we now know major hormone deficiencies are a reason for these issues, that and 9-11 and some other things.
I have decided that I need to work on giving up coffee all together, again. I have battled this for years now. But, my sanity, our pocketbook, my family, and my waistline all need me to quit. I have noticed that when I drink regular coffee, non-espresso, I feel like I am shaking all over and my heart is pounding. That is not a good physiological response to something. Oh, you’re an anxious person by nature, here drink this cup that will cause you to spin into orbit. Espresso drinks are not as bad, but I still notice a change in my body, and its not just my weight.
When something is so addictive that you think about your next cup or try to find the money somewhere to buy a cup, it has become sinful. I don’t think all coffee drinkers are sinning, so please do not misunderstand me. For me personally, I have crossed into the line of “false gods” and sinful addictions. My husband sees it and I see it. Truth be told, this gets harder for me to battle when I have to take anti-depressants. I had to go on Prozac again, but hopefully hormone injections will make that a non-issue very soon. Unfortunately, all the medical community knows to do with women like me is throw a pill at me and not see if something might be wrong. Chemical imbalance, indeed. Thank God for NaPro!!! You will probably hear that a ton from me.
Today I am starting to detox from coffee, for the 353rd time, give or take a few. I woke up and drank a glass of water and then proceeded to eat four rice crispy treats. It’s a process.
I am thankful that we are Catholic. We have religious art, prayer cards, Bibles, theology books, etc. strewn all over the house. That means when I start struggling with temptation I have reminders. I don’t always listen, but it is a big help for me. I truly believe that some things have to be cut out of us by “prayer and fasting” and this may seem silly, but it has become that imbedded into my routine. I need a new habit, hence the drinking a glass of water when I get out of bed. The rice crispy part probably won’t be a part of my new habit.
This process is teaching me a lot about the nature of sin. We may desire the good, but we are weak and need Christ to help us. Even though this may seem small to society at large, it is a great battle within me. It is a fight to become who God created me to be and that means working to prune those things out of my life that are not good for me. Even though I greatly enjoy coffee, I know deep down that it is not good for me. So today is day one and I hope and pray to make it stick this time and if I don’t, I will pray that Our Lord picks me up and we keep going.
Swimming the Depths 